At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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