I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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