i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize