D3 body, D1 cock
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
