On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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