i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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