well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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