Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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