oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
