i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
