there's paper in my vomit.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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