i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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