I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
