This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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