lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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