I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
