she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
