It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
