I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
