i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I looked at my own cervix.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
