forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had sex on a roof
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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