cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
