i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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