I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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