I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
