For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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