moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize