I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
