I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
