someone threw a dead crab at me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize