Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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