we have officially lost it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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