Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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