her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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