My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
