Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
