I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
