There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
