So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
