Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
