I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ttyl tear gas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
