so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
