the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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