So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
