Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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