brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
