i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
