that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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