John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
