Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
