I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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