youre lurking in front of me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
