well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
