Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
