I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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