Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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