Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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