Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
