can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize