i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
