Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
