can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
