I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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