my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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