omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
