i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
