everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
