Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
