i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
