Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
