Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize