Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
did you just send me my own nude
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
