I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize