i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
