I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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