You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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