glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
