Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
