I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
