Me. At least after what I've been through.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
