If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
