mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
wanna go halves on a baby?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
