I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
