You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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