Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
