so explain again why im purple
no
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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