Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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