Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
