he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We need to get me chipped asap
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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