Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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