Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
