margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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