But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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