It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
