That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
