I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
