He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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