you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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