well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
