are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
