so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
