I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
