why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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