i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
