Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
