When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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