i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
