It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
