Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize