So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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