stop calling my apartment porn island.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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